I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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