woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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