im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Can I color on your dick again?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
