Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drunk is not a location!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
