Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
