yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
