So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
