adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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