how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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