xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
