She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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