I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
