so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
