so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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