Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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