R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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