Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
