Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
