We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
