the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
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