I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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