All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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