can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im six kinds of drunk right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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