ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
