no, he came in my armpit
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
