Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This is my gift to your gina
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
