mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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