yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
