we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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