I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
