Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think my fart just growled at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
