How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Mom said you looked used
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
