One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
