Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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