That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
