Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
