bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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