nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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