Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
