my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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