In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
