I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
