You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
