Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
