this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
