The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She bit a glass in half.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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