you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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