could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
