he thought i was a dude.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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