Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
