thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
