Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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